I know so many people are out there in the world that wish they had someone to hold and love…much like I do. But so often I feel as if I am the only one. I’ve let my heart be played with so many times. My insides ache and I wish so many times I could forget everything I’ve been through and been stupid enough to do. I’m 18 and I have done more than my own mother could ever imagine. I have a whole in my chest waiting to be filled with someone country strong and a heart for God. I fear I’ll never find the person my heart should belong to. I miss holding hands and flirting. I want to kiss a man and have my heart melt. Feel the earth quake and fall into the arms of the man who is not only just willing to catch me but wants to catch me and hold me forever. It’s 9:15 PM and I don’t see myself concentrating at all on my school work but I have so many different things on my mind. I need to lose weight. I want to be in a musical. I want to write music and sing my heart out. I want to go to Disney World with my best friend. I want to dance around and pretend I’m Cinderella. O, if only I could figure out who I really am…maybe when I know me, things will make more since. Maybe…I’m far from normal. I know that for sure. Normal is no where in my genes. ;)
I love listening to romantic music. I sing along with every country song. Broadway fits my voice best. Opera shows off my range. Pop makes my insides dance. Rock gives me a reason to bang on things. Classical music draws a hum to my lips. Disney music puts me into character. Every genre has a different meaning to me. Blue jeans are my basics. Tan cowboy boots bring out my country girl, hips swingin’ side. Yoga pants are a necessity for a good nights sleep. Flip-flops are a summer must. Mini skirts were made for leggings. Sexy underwear can turn a girl into a woman. Dresses catch every guy’s eye, and the wind. Snow is a winter wonderland both for the old and young. Thunderstorms are my personal high as is the Mt. Everest roller coaster. Tennessee was planted in my soul as a child but Georgia clay molded my life. Tradition is key, but spontaneity rocks my world. Family is number one and my closest friend is considered part of said family. I live for the day I can own my own home. Paint every wall a different shade of blue and kiss the man I love in every language. Sing my newborn baby girl, Annabelle to sleep and then sit there for hours as her tiny chest moves up and down. Pray every night with my husband holding my hand. Swing out in the darkness as the subtle twinkle of starlight reflects off the lightly trickling stream that flows over the tips of our toes. Dirt roads sprinkled with afternoon showers. Bon fires and camp out nights. Hay bail jumping. Musicals that make you want to risk everything just to play Elphie! Dreams of walking down Broadway. I’d say I’d dream of being a sneaky no good girl but I’ve been there done that and it holds nights of regrets. But you live and learn. No one knows what tomorrow will bring and no one can change the previous day. We are left only knowing that each day needs to be given to God and lived out like we will never see the sun rise the next day. Not that we should live in fear but love as many as we can, take chances, play out each day to it’s fullest and when you think there’s no way to move forward, take a look back for motivation.
